rainy days make me feel sad
i feel so trapped right now.
i feel like im being so phony. like everyone i know here doesn’t know who i really am. and yea i guess that was part of the appeal of coming here….being able to be anyone i want to be. but ive realized that i don’t…want to be anyone else. or atleast, i dont know how to adopt some new persona just like that. and yea theres nothing wrong with that.. per ce. i just sorta feel like im not on the same wavelength as everyone here. i find myself getting bored with ppl, because i know they won’t really understand me the way you guys do. they dont heatherchan study, they always want to drink (like every single day!) and they always seem to congregate in my room so i can never study here either! FDSKJFS its frustrating. dont get me wrong, its not like my friends get smashed everyday. mostly its just a few beers or wine or somethng. but even still. alcohol is overrrated when its at your grasp 24/7. im so over it. its boring almost.
maybe i should stop comparing them to everyone back home. or maybe i should stop writing sad depressing blog entries…but its mostly bc the second half of this week took a drastic turn towards the DOWNtown…kno what im sayin? (wow that was lame)
i hate how everyone came with someone they knew. its really weird. ive made a bunch of new friends and theyre all really cool but i just…feel so alone still. i miss having people already know me…know how i am..know how i feel about things. like, NOBODY HERE STUDIES. its driving me crazy. yea okay so the first week isnt even over yet and im already stressing out but still. when i say that i want to study i always get the rap for the “asian stereotype” for always studying blah blah. WHATEVER. it kinda pisses me off. but yea, i need to find somewhere to nest…with my textbooks. maybe ill pull a hermione and spend my time in the library self exile rooms…?
i think one of the problems here is i cant hide. buts its okay. ive become very good at hiding. maybe i can make it work.
ps- can you guys pray for me? i just need more God in my life right now.
